If you have ever caught a train in peak hour in Sydney you will have a long list of people who manage to annoy you in some way in your travels.
Some of you are probably annoying other people as well.
Here is my list of annoying Cityrail commuters, feel free to add to it, but ask yourself if you fall into any of these pest groups.
BULLY BOARDERS
I know you will all say that it's something you have to do to get a seat, but when did commuters start clumping on the edge of a platform in the spots the doors supposedly open? Personally I find it dangerous and just a bit passive aggressive, and sometimes you can hold the passive.
DUMB ARSE BOARDERS
You know these people well. They are the dumb bunnies who step into the carriage before anyone has stepped off. The best way to handle these people is to shoulder charge them back onto the platform.
WHIFFY FOLK
The title says it all. People who have no consideration or even awareness that they smell so bad you have to hold your tie over your mouth just to breathe. This becomes worse when you are squashed into a three-seater, and when standing in the vestibule and as they reach up to hold on, your nose is level with their arm pit.
TRAGIC TEENS
The groups are mostly female and they tell every intimate detail of their usually uninteresting lives at the top of their voice without any care of how cheap and stupid it makes them look.
I have personally overheard one teen girl who was freaking out about telling her mother that she might be pregnant, and another explaining how uncomfortable she was about losing her virginity the previous night. Oh no, she was fine in a moral sense, she was explaining the physical discomfort... Yup.
BUSINESS BOOFHEADS
These high flying execs who love taking business calls in the train and talking loud so the whole train can hear how confident and successful they are. Buddy, you ride a train to work, you could do better.
SCHOOL BAGGERS
Those bloody kids who pile their school bags in the vestibule and then look at you in a way that suggests they are expecting you to run the steeplechase to get out of the train.
STEP WARMERS
Lazy bastards who can't stand next to the stairs without ignoring the urge to sit on them. You block the way people! Don't you get that? And if you sit next to the hand rail you make it dangerous for those who need assistance on the stairs. Stop being lazy lard farmers.
BACKWARD BUMS
Okay please tell me, what possesses otherwise ordinary decent looking folks to sit the wrong way on a train? By wrong way I mean, everyone is facing forwards yet you choose to face backwards? Have you any idea how much that stuffs up the efficiency of foot space? Follow the fold on this one.
TICKET TUMBLEWEEDS
Very irritating are those delightful pests who walk to the turnstile and only then they choose to look for their ticket, making everyone back up behind as they are blocking the way through. In Redfern we have only one entry turnstile in the peak hour morning and there's quite a few of you who choose to do this. Get your ticket out before you approach please people!
I could go on but I think you get the picture, Cityrail train commuters are a bunch of tools and you have to wonder how much impact the terrible handling of the passenger growth over the years has had on the mental state of Sydney commuters.
But let's not talk about Sydney motorists though... well this week at least :-)
Toot Toot!
J G S
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