Commuters in the city of Sydney are getting way too fast for the streets and something has got to be done about it.
We need to understand that we are not Ants, we don't have the hard shell exterior, so we can't walk 100 miles an hour like they do because unlike the Ant when we crash it hurts like hell!
Slow the F#*k down you jerks!
Yes, I know you have to hurry for the train or the bus because you don't want to stay a minute longer in the city than you have to because you need to rush home to flop on that couch and not miss a minute of The Simpsons.
I know you can't leave five minutes early and piss off the boss so you'd rather risk concussion with a total stranger.
I admit it's not your fault when you walk obscenely fast and then hug the corner so close that you don't have time to see the person coming towards you around the other side. Shame on them for not expecting you to be a reckless shit for brains.
And ladies I know it hurts in those heels when you try to speed walk like a new born Giraffe, so the sneakers are a classier option, but remember they were not designed to make you go even faster and make you walk like a demented Leopard.
And to all those men and women at Town Hall station I apologise because it was totally my fault when you were looking at your iPhone and walked straight into me. I totally deserved those grunts and tuts because, holy shit, I forgot the world is here just for you!
I don't, however, take back the laugh i gave you when you, almost, accidentally tripped over my shoe when you tried to cut too closely in front of me.
Just a piece of advice to the train commuters, it's not the M5, you don't have an Etag just yet so you might need to slow down before trying to insert your train ticket. Those several hacking moments you try to do with your ticket into the slot can be reduced ten-fold if you just take your freaking time.
And of course, we are a multi-national society so although we drive on the left and there's signs asking you to keep left on the massive escalator, please ignore it, it's our fault, we should be mindful of your inept ability to read and the self-absorb manner in which you feel utterly entitled to.
Do we honestly need speed humps or mazes to slow you stupid people down? I feel like lining the floor with flypaper and watching you all struggle to be the first to get on that life boat, sorry, train.
Bottom line is slow the f*$k down!
Walking way too fast is dangerous, it's stupid and its totally unsexy, not to mention that you will probably end up needing hip replacement before you are 40.
Bring back the heels, slow it down and bloody enjoy the city you work in.
Oh and just another thing, off the topic but kind of relevant, turn your phone off on the train, I don't need to now that your sister had to have surgery because the baby came out okay but not the placenta.
Chill out city froot loops!
J G S
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